by Love Love Letter
I’m not pregnant.
I’ve been on the receiving end of some interesting comments since getting engaged. I’ve been told what my wedding *has* to have in order to be, in fact, a wedding. While I was under the impression that it was a marriage license, love, and a registered officiant, it’s actually a host of other things that can be bought for a price. I understand it’s a once in a lifetime event, and I want it to be fabulous, amazing, beautiful. I want to *look* fabulous, amazing, beautiful, too… but I’m also sort of attached to my growing streak of gray for the time being. At 28, it’s not very noticeable, but it feels like a defining characteristic. If I cover it over (one of the suggestions I’ve gotten), will I look back at pictures one day, with my gray streak that much more pronounced, and think that it’s not ‘me?’
An aside: The idea that planning a wedding brings out in us, that every. little. tiny. decision whether it be in aesthetics, etiquette, or otherwise, reflects on us as people is sort of mind-blowing. Causes a lot of need to soul-search and decide what sort of ‘me’ we’re trying to project, what sort of ‘us’ we’re trying to project. But it also requires that we learn to take a deep breath and just stop caring at a certain point. You know? You can only do so much to create something you like, and then you have to enjoy.
So up until now, it’s all been well-meaning comments that come my way. Even the friend of the fiance’s who asked if I’m pregnant, in all sincerity! But just the other day, I spoke to a caterer. Now, I’m really into food. Really into it. And I’m searching for a caterer who is more into amazing flavors than one who wants to make a cake that looks like a ship balanced on the top of a treacherous wave, defying gravity. I want a giant version of a good home-cooked dinner party. And in the wedding industry, that’s hard to find.
Another thing I want, is to not spend a third of the catering budget on rentals and service. I want the money spent to go into our guests bellies!
When I spoke to one caterer, they seemed game to try to work creatively with my budget. But to the one who said that my budget is too low, and that all that I can do is sacrifice quality and go with a cheap caterer, and that heavy hors d’oeuvres and stations won’t be enough food as a rule and I must feed my guests, and that my reception seems long (five hours? long?). That same caterer, who said that because of what my venue would suggest, I have have have to go with $200 per head catering…. she can shove it. And I don’t use that kind of language lightly. I just don’t speak that way. But boy, was that deflating, talking to her.
How do I approach it now? Do I withhold the venue info so that they are not swayed until they have a better understanding of what I want? It is a grand sort of place, but I want it to be a ‘different,’ ‘indie,’ ‘funky’ kind of wedding while still being black tie fabulous. Did any of you come across any people who just didn’t seem to ‘get’ what you were doing? Were any of them vendors? Did you tell them to shove it?